


What do i say to you? (What do i do?)

by Slvia165



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Childhood Friends, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Racism, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slvia165/pseuds/Slvia165
Summary: Sana and Tzuyu have been friends their whole life you could say, but the moment one of them starts ignoring the other, things get messy.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	What do i say to you? (What do i do?)

**Author's Note:**

> My first language is not english, so i apologize now if you find any bad grammar. The original work i wrote it in spanish, so i just translated it lmao. Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> Ghosting - TXT

“Why are you standing there?” A squeaky voice scared her “sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Don’t worry.”

“Why are you standing there?” Asked the squeaky voice again.

“I’m looking at the river.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“It’s more enjoyable if you look closer, why don’t you go down to the shore?”

She frowned and glared at the squeaky voice. “I could slip, fall and hurt myself. Besides staining my clothes and my mom would scold me above all.”

“You talk a lot.” The squeaky voice shook her head “The last one to arrive to the shore is a rotten egg!”

“I’m not a rotten egg!”

Actually, she didn’t go down for two reasons. One, the one she just told the squeaky voice and the second one is because she’s afraid of water. What matters if the course of the river wouldn’t even sink her ankles? She could trip, fall on her face in the water and get so scared that she couldn’t even get up.

But she wasn’t a rotten egg, so she couldn’t keep thinking about all the possibilities she had of drowning in the tiny river because she had to arrive first to the shore.

“Ha! Told you i wasn’t a rotten egg!” She laughed when they both arrived to the shore.

The squeaky voice just laughed and bended down besides the river, watching it.

“Did you know that there are crabs?”

“There are no crabs.”

“Of course there are!” The squeaky voice when she shouted, she became twice as loud.

She blew and approached slowly to the shore, leaving certain distance, just in case.

“I don’t see any crab…”

“I can see them.”

“Where?”

“Here!”

The squeaky voice started laughing and pinching her while she tried to get her off her, but she end up giving up and started laughing and playing with her.

“See? Told you there where crabs. My name is Sana.” She said stretching out her tiny hand.

“Mine is Tzuyu.” She answered, shaking her hand.

“Tzuyu! Honey we’re already going-! What have i told you about playing in the river!?”

Maybe, and just maybe they ended up falling in the river (it wasn’t that deep actually), and also maybe they ended up getting mud all over them. But her mom didn’t have to know, right?

* * *

It was two years ago when Sana found Tzuyu looking at the river from the top of the hill (for them it was a hill, actually it was barely a couple meters down to the shore), and now they were about to start their first day at elementary school.

Their dynamic was entertaining for anyone who didn’t knew them; they might even come to believe that Sana was Tzuyu’s protector, despite the latter being a little bit taller. Sana always stood up for the both of them, if someone said something bad to Tzuyu, they had to carry with the consequences (it wouldn’t be the first time that a kid found slime in its shoe out of the blue when they were secure in the kindergarten shelve).

That didn’t meant that Sana was the one who always did everything, far from it, Sana had Tzuyu on a pedestal. Tzuyu was smart, patient and knew how to convince her mother so they could have a sleepover on weekdays. Tzuyu was actually really incredible, and in Sana’s eyes, Tzuyu was the best. But Tzuyu has a defect, and is that she doesn’t know how to make friends.

“C’mon Tzuyu! You’re already six and-!”

“You’re six too.”

“And we’re older now!” Sana continued talking, ignoring Tzuyu’s interruption “There are some times in life that you got to take risks.”

“What does that means?”

“I don’t know, i heard it in a movie that my dad was watching last night.” Tzuyu muttered a little ‘oh’ and nodded slightly “Today we’re going to make a lot of friends, tons!”

Tzuyu wasn’t convinced, not at all. But Sana had a big smile, that kind of smile that only appears when she thinks that she just had the best idea in the world, to end up being a fiasco. Even so, Tzuyu followed her, because Sana smiling is the best Sana.

It didn’t even take two hours when a girl with big teeth came to disturb her.

“You’re very tall.”

“I know.”

“What’s your name?”

“Tzuyu, and yours?"

“Your name is weird.” She said ignoring her question.

“I know.”

“You’re not from here, right?”

“No, I was born in Taiwan but-“

“Then why don’t you go back?”

Then Tzuyu shut up. What was she supposed to answer? She didn’t knew either why she didn’t went back to Taiwan, but she was fine here, so why go back? Not knowing how or when, tears began to flow from her eyes.

“You’re a crybaby!” The girl with big teeth laughed, pointing at her “Tzuyu is a crybaby!”

In the exact moment, the whole class was laughing, making the teacher stop the lesson, asking for silence. When everyone shut up, the girl approached Tzuyu and whispered to her laughing.

“You’re just a giant crybaby.”

The recess time was spent by both being locked up in the bathroom, Tzuyu crying and Sana trying to calm her down while trying to get out of her what or who made her cry like that.

Tzuyu never told her anything.

* * *

It was five years ago when Sana found Tzuyu looking at the river from their rock (it was just another rock besides the shore) which was always their reference point when they went out to play to the park, and now they were about to start their first day of their last year of elementary school.

Tzuyu was nervous, Sana was twice as nervous.

Since they started elementary school, Nayeon (the girl with big teeth), make sure to annoy Tzuyu every day. If one day one of them couldn’t attend class, Nayeon made sure to disturb her twice as bad the next day. Sana didn’t knew why Nayeon disturbed Tzuyu and the only thing that Tzuyu wanted, was for Nayeon to leave her alone.

Because of her, they had passed through the principal’s office several times. Sana always said what happened (not because she was there, because both of them were in different classes, but because it was what Tzuyu told her), but as Tzuyu never said it out loud, they always thought that Sana was lying. 

It wasn’t until the time that Nayeon pushed Tzuyu, making her fall in the ground, scraping her hands and knees, when her parents themselves went to talk to the principal. It was then when the principal told them that Nayeon’s father was an important member of the council, so they couldn’t do anything. Nayeon was untouchable.

Nayeon had three friends (or servants, like Sana and Tzuyu called them) Jeongyeon, Momo and Jihyo. In all honestly, they pitied Momo, a lot of times when they passed through their table in lunch time, they could hear Nayeon doing a really bad imitation of how Japanese it’s supposed to sound like, and Momo just laughed. But Sana could always see later when they returned to class, how much Nayeon’s words affect her.

Neither of them understood, even one time they tried to talk to Momo, telling her that if she wanted to go eat lunch with them, she was welcome. But Momo always rejected their offers and went back to the Korean trio.

They didn’t understand either why Jeongyeon and Jihyo were friends with Nayeon. Both of them were good girls, both attending Sana’s class, and she could see how good were their hearts, but for some reason they still befriended Nayeon.

This year, however, started differently.

“Okay kids, I need a little bit of silence.” Said the teacher clapping her hands a couple of times, shutting everyone “This year we have two new students, I want you to be good with them, okay? Girls, introduce you to the class.

They were two girls, both with long dark hair, one of the girls’ skin was as white as milk and had little eyes, meanwhile the other one had more like a tanned skin and had big eyes, Both were so different, yet you could see how great they get along without even knowing them

“Hi! My name is Kim Dahyun, pleasure to meet you!” She said with a wide grin “I love chocolate, so if you want to become my friend, I would love to be gifted chocolate.”

The class went silent, making Dahyun clear her throat, while tugging the other girls’ shirt.

“Hi, I’m Son Chaeyoung. I like to draw, I draw well.”

And for no particular reason, Tzuyu wanted those two little weird girls to became her friends

* * *

It was nine years ago when Sana found Tzuyu looking at the river from their secret spot (one year ago, a big storm passed through the city, destroying a lot of the public furniture. The park had to close down since it wasn’t secure anymore), so whenever they went, they had to jump a big fence, and now they were about to start their first day of the last year of middle school.

Despite changing institutions, nothing had changed. Nayeon was still a burthensome, always followed by her three servants. The only thing that changed was the union of the two little monsters to their adventures.

Usually it was just Sana and Tzuyu (like it’s meant to be, according to Sana) but sometimes Dahyun and Chaeyoung joined them, whether it was at lunchtime or on their adventures outside school.

Their lives were good, the two had an unbreakable friendship, parents who loved them a lot and maybe their grades weren’t the top of their classes, but they weren’t bad at all. That’s the moment when everything goes so well, that things can only go wrong.

It hadn’t been her intention, not in the slightest, but Tzuyu couldn’t help it. She was 13 and had any knowledge of how was the world, so she could help but feel weird and different. She felt it, in fact, since almost a year ago, but decided to not say anything to Sana because she didn’t knew how she was going to react.

There was this girl in her class, Myoi Mina, who she started liking since last year. Was it bad that she was a girl and she liked other girls? She never saw a woman with another woman, so she took it for granted, but was it wrong?

Tzuyu decided that at the end of the day, when they went to their spot besides the river, she would tell her what was going on in her head.

“Sana?”

“Mhm?”

“I have something to tell you.”

Sana took the last sip from her juice and turned on her spot, putting all her attention on Tzuyu.

“Sure, tell me.”

“Do you remember Myoi Mina?”

“She’s the girl with the moles from your class, right?”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Something happened to her?”

Tzuyu started playing with her fingers, a thing she always did when she was nervous and Sana always made sure to calm her down by grabbing her hands and intertwining their fingers.

“I think i like her.”

“I like her too, she’s a good girl.”

“No Sana, i like her, romantically speaking.”

It was then when Sana furrowed her eyebrows and let her hands go, making Tzuyu panic.

“What do you mean with that Tzuyu?” Asked seriously.

“Is it wrong that I like a girl?”

“Of course it is Tzuyu! Have you ever heard dad? Homosexuals will go to hell, you can’t like a girl being a girl yourself, it’s against nature!”

“I… Okay, it’s fine, sorry for telling you. I’ll never do it again.”

“No Tzuyu, you did good. Now that i know, i can help you getting rid of those stupid ideas in your head. Don’t worry, you’re just confused, one time mom told me that it happened the same to her when she was my age. But that’s what it is, just confusion that comes with the age. We’re thirteen Tzuyu, it doesn’t happens anything for thinking those things, it’s wrong if you really think is okay.”

Just like she told Sana, she never had the guts to tell anybody else.

In no time all the affection she felt towards Mina in _that_ way, was replaced with fear. Fear of losing Sana, fear of letting down her parents, fear for going to hell… Fear to be someone she wasn’t supposed to be.

It was one day in which one of Tzuyu’s classes was canceled, so she used that time to go to the library and study for her nearing exams. But instead of taking her books from her bag pack, she kept looking at one of the public computers. If she searched something from that computer no one would know it was her, right?

Without thinking further, she went to the computer and started searching in Google _what do i do if I’m a girl and I like another girl_. In a moment, thousands of pages were disposed to her, she hit click to the first option without wanting to look out too much, it end up being a public forum.

 _I’m a girl and today I realized that I like a girl classmate, I like her the same way I’m supposed to like boys and I can’t help it. My parents want to take me to church so I can talk to the priest but I’m too afraid._ _What is happening to me?_

It actually scared her the similarity to her actual situation, with the difference that Tzuyu haven’t told anything to her parents after the horrible conversation she had with Sana.

“What are you searching?”

The voice came from behind her left shoulder, scaring her and making her panic meanwhile she tried to close the browser tab asap.

“It’s nothing Chaeyoung, just class stuff.”

“I don’t think _that_ was class stuff.”

When she looked at Chaeyoung, she could’ve already seen the screen, making Tzuyu sight while she avoided letting the tears flow, kneeling in front of Chaeyoung.

“Please don’t tell anybody, if my parents knew I don’t know what I would do. Please I’m begging.”

“Hey, don’t do that please, stand up.” She said offering her hand, which Tzuyu accepted doubtful “Why would I tell anything to no one? Is your decision the moment you want to tell whoever you want.”

Tzuyu looked at her with her eyes and mouth wide open

“I don’t disgust you?”

“Disgust? It would hypocrite from me when I like women too.” Said bursting out laughing, at the same time that Tzuyu shut her up with both hands.

“Don’t say that!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s wrong.”

Chaeyoung furrowed her brows and looked around just in case someone was listening to their conversation.

“It’s not wrong that you like another girl.”

“It is, it’s just age stuff, it will pass you in some time.”

“Just like you? That’s why you were searching in Google what to do?” Tzuyu kept staring at Chaeyoung’s eyes.

That day they skipped the remaining classes, Dahyun joining them when the classes ended.

_Sana <3 _

_Tzuyu?_

_Where are you?_

_I’ve been asking people in your class and everyone said you weren’t there_

_Where did you go?_

_Nayeon just told me that she saw you leaving early today with Chaeyoung_

_Is that true?_

_You know that girl is not… normal_

_Please answer I’m getting worried_

_Tzuyu_

_Hey Sana_

_I’m fine_

_I am in fact with Chaeyoung, but don’t worry, she didn’t do anything to me_

_You know you can’t trust what Nayeon says_

_Can you go home alone? I’ll go later to our spot_

_Sana <3_

_Okay…_

_It just seemed that she was worried for you Tzu_

_People can change_

_Maybe she feels remorseful_

_Tzuyu_

_Can we stop talking about her?_

_Please_

_Sana <3_

_Sure_

_Sorry_

_See you at our spot?_

_Tzuyu_

_Yeah_

_See u_

“If I were you, I would kicked her out of my life.” Said Dahyun when Tzuyu turned off her phone.”

“Dahyun! Don’t say that! Sana just wants the best for me.”

Dahyun and Chaeyoung shared a look and looked at Tzuyu again.

“What are you going to do now?” Asked Chaeyoung.

“What do you mean what I am going to do? Sana must be waiting for me already, the place it’s not far from school.”

“Tzuyu you’re our friend, you know that right? You can count on us every time you need us.”

She looked at Dahyun with her eyes slightly open and then at Chaeyoung, who nodded at her and gave her a little smile.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

It was twelve years ago that Sana found Tzuyu looking at the river from the new junkyard (people after the second year since they put the fence, started using the place as a junkyard, now the place was more entertaining) which they no longer went as much as when they were younger, but it kept a special place in their hearts (at least in Tzuyu’s) and now they were about to start their first day of sophomore year.

Lots of things happened between them after the day Tzuyu told Sana about her little crush on Mina (yeah, after a while she realized it was just a small crush). Long ago, Sana used to be very affectionate with Tzuyu, now luckily she high fived her. Another thing that changed too was the way of talking about _the topic_. Every time it came up, Sana would look more and more disgusted, she even stopped being friends with Dahyun and Chaeyoung because there were rumors about both of them being lesbians and girlfriends. (Yeah, Chaeyoung was a lesbian and Dahyun bisexual, but they weren’t girlfriends _no homo bro_.)

They were 16 now and Tzuyu had investigated a lot since Chaeyoung found her in the library. After investigating a little more, she realized that what she was feeling was absolutely valid and she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but unfortunately in South Korea were a bit behind with the topic.

Tzuyu was a lesbian, and a very proud one by the way.

Nowadays, thanks to the dwarf duo (if you ask her, she never said that) she gained enough confidence to accept herself and maybe, in the future, tell her parents. For now, what matters and worries the most Tzuyu was her studies and ~~her~~ Sana.

Things were never perfect, and while time passed and Tzuyu started discovering herself, she discovered another thing that she didn’t want to be aware of.

Tzuyu liked Sana.

No, Tzuyu was _in love_ with Sana

Not gonna lie, being in love with Sana was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to her. Sana was attentive, careful, affectionate, responsible, kind, intelligent, had an amazing physical… But there was a flaw in that logic. Sana was homophobic, o that was how she found out people that don’t accept homosexuality in internet. Or also, according to Chaeyoung and Dahyun _a fucking homophobe that is going to lose a wonderful person if she doesn’t makes up her mind._

And that was the thing, Tzuyu gained lots of confidence relating to her sexuality, but lost all her self-confidence. She felt like she had to choose in certain point without even realizing and the moment she made a choice, it was impossible to turn back.

But there she was right now, sitting in the far end of Sana’s bed, both of them looking at some college pamphlets spread out on the mattress.

“How about the general?” Asked Sana lifting up the pamphlet.

“Not bad, but they don’t have any veterinary program.”

Sana clicked her tong “Next one then.”

It’s supposed that when you hit sixteen is when you start asking yourself what are you going to study in college and which are you going to attend. That without doubt, was a simple for Sana and Tzuyu, they’ve always been together and that wasn’t going to change in college.

“What if we look at further colleges? I’m not convinced by any of these.” Said Tzuyu running her hands over her face. They spent hours looking pamphlets and they haven’t progressed.

“Further? I don’t want to be so far away from home, what if we have an emergency? We have to be near enough so mom and dad can come quickly.”

Tzuyu furrowed her brows and stared at Sana, which stared back very confused.

“Are you being serious?”

“Obviously.”

“Sana, you can’t keep depending on your parents for your whole life. In certain moment you’re going to move out, you know what that means right?”

“Of course I know what it means, I’m not stupid. But there’s nothing wrong having your parents near you just in case, I mean.”

“I’m not saying the opposite, but Sana, you need to start learning to stop depending so much on your parents.”

“Let’s just keep looking at the pamphlets.”

And that’s how they spend their afternoons, if they weren’t studying, they were looking for college pamphlets. Sometimes, when they were tired of the pamphlets, they would go to their spot besides the river and sat down to look at the shore.

Sana still didn’t approve her friendship with Chaeyoung and Dahyun, so she only talked to them in class or when she was alone in her room. She wanted to understand Sana, but she just couldn’t do it. What was wrong in liking woman? Absolutely nothing, it’s not like she was harassing every woman and making her do anything with her, no, that was what boys in her high school did.

To her misfortune, Tzuyu grew well, puberty was doing its job with her. What meant that she would receive anonymous carts in her locker, in her desk… Even some of the boys left behind their shyness and talked to Tzuyu right away. Obviously, she rejected them, but always made sure to do it carefully, making them see that they weren’t the problem, it’s just that she at a personal level, don’t want anything with them. Some took it well, others would tell her ugly and hurtful words, but Tzuyu knew those words weren’t for her, they were directed to her rejection. Unfortunately, Tzuyu could only see someone who would never look at her.

She doesn’t know what got through her, but she felt very confident that day, so she make her parents meet her at the living room. Today was the day, all or nothing.

“Dad, mom, I have something important to tell you.”

“Sure honey, go ahead.” Said her father smiling.

“I’m lesbian.”

The room went silent, a silence that was starting to get deafening. All of a sudden her father turned her head to look at her mother, which when she looked back nodded at him.

Well, maybe that was her end and she was going to be grounded for life. Surprise took over all what she was feeling when both stood up and wrapped her in a big hug.

“Tzuyu honey, we already knew.” Said her mother softly after kissing her cheek “Is Sana, right?”

She just couldn’t deny it, she nodded and started crying, letting all the tears she had been keeping after all the fights she had with her best friend, with Sana.

Tzuyu and Sana had a tradition, every day without fault, even if they were only to see each other five minutes, they said good morning by chat. If the day didn’t started like that, Sana would look like a lost soul, begging for attention all the time. The problem was that it always was Tzuyu who forgot someday, but this time it was Sana, which left her really worried.

Just arriving to high school it was impossible to find her due to all the people who was still in the hallways, so she decided to look for her in recess.

Surprise came when she entered the cafeteria, Sana was already seating besides Nayeon and her three minions. When Sana saw Tzuyu’s confused gaze, she just ignored her. What was happening? Why was Sana sitting beside the demon? Those weren’t even her words, those were Sana’s.

So without knowing what else to do and still feeling extremely confused, she sat beside Chaeyoung and Dahyun, who after seeing Tzuyu looking to another direction, they followed it and found out about the situation.

Needless to say, both made sure to entertain Tzuyu the best they could, at least while recess.

_Tzuyu_

_Sana?_

_You okay?_

_I saw that you were with Nayeon_

_Sana <3_

_What does it matter to you who am i with?_

_You don’t own me, you can’t control me_

_Tzuyu_

_What? No!_

_I didn’t mean that_

_Sana <3_

_Whatever_

_Leave me alone_

_Tzuyu_

_I don’t what was is happening to you, but I’m still your best friend_

_I love you and i only want the best for you_

_Avísame en cuanto me necesites, vale?_ _Let me know when you need me, okay?_

_Even if it’s in the middle of the night, it doesn’t matters_

_Sana <3_

**_Read at 20:43_ **

* * *

It was fourteen years ago that Sana found Tzuyu looking at the river from the forbidden place (Tzuyu name it like that after the third week without any news from Sana) and now they were about to start their first day of senior year.

She would be lying if she said that it didn’t hurt, because it hurt a lot.

Since that day, Sana made sure to make her feel her emptiness even without doing absolutely anything. The problem was that Sana’s essence was everywhere, but she wasn’t there anymore. All their traditions died along with their friendship the moment Sana just stood there while Nayeon tricked her.

But Sana never left her thoughts. It looked like Sana followed her every place she went, all the places where she had a memory associated to Sana. Don’t let her start with her bedroom, the fourth month after Sana’s silence, she decided to ask her parents if they could help her remodel her room.

She cried every night for months, sometimes she end up fainting due exhaustion, other times her cry was so loud that her parents had to stay with her for the rest of the night. But even that, the worsts nights were when she felt empty, the nights which she just kept awake facing the ceiling, feeling how she broke little by little inside.

Dahyun and Chaeyoung were the best friends she could ever wish and stood by their side since the beginning, swearing that if Sana ever dared to speak to her, she would have to pass through the both of them and Tzuyu always reassured them saying that that would never happen. She started believing her own words after eight months of silence.

She didn’t wanted to desist, didn’t wanted to give up, Tzuyu was convinced that Sana was just going through some struggles and needed an scenery change, that’s why she walked away from her and started going with Nayeon. Chaeyoung called her stupid, Tzuyu called it having hope, and hope could never be lost.

Until it’s not hope what you lose, but your patience that drains and after the second year of silence, Tzuyu had had more than enough. They were supposed to go to college in less than five months, which by the day, ended up choosing Sana even having a horrible vet program. And if Tzuyu had one thing clear, is that her… friendship? With Sana, ruined her future.

She tried to approach her countless times, really, but something always happened that ended with Sana’s focus on another thing that wasn’t her. It was frustrating, but the most frustrating thing of all was feeling her heart racing at the minimal thought she had about Sana. Didn’t she understand? Sana didn’t want anything with her, she wanted absolutely nothing related to her, she didn’t even wanted to be her friend anymore, so why didn’t her heart take the hint?

“I have the perfect opportunity for you.” Said Dahyun just after she sat down in the table, holding out what looked like a pamphlet.

“What is this?”

“Read it yourself.”

Tzuyu looked at Chaeyoung, who was as confused as her, so she supposed that this was completely Dahyun’s idea. She had to admit that Dahyun’s ideas didn’t always went well, but she decided to trust her on this and read the pamphlet.

_The year’s party! Celebrate senior year over the top!_

“What am I supposed to do with this? You know I don’t party.”

“Mina gave it to me, which Jihyo gave her, which Nayeon gave her. Which means that Sana will be there.”

So there she was, all alone against a party that looked absolutely out of control in what looked like Nayeon’s house, or at least one of them. Just going inside the house felt like an adventure, boys everywhere, whether drinking or taking things they shouldn’t if they didn’t wanted to end up addicted, but finally she was able to get in,

Inside the house wasn’t much different that the front yard, bodies everywhere dancing to the rhythm of the music, music that by the way was extremely loud and she was sure that once she left the place, she could hear the bugs’ breathing.

She couldn’t even take two steps when a very excited Mina started waving at her from the kitchen, prompting her to go, so she just went there.

She had to admit that Mina was an amazing girl, even after confessing her about the little crush she had on her (yes, she needed to let that out her chest) which make them laugh for what seemed like hours, but actually were about ten minutes.

Did she trust Mina? You could say so, but when she offered her a cup whose content didn’t knew what was, she just had to reject it. Her parents, even if she never went to a party, made sure to have a really long conversation about how to be careful while still having fun. The one thing they really remarked was to never accept drinks that were made without her supervision. Mina was no strange to her, but she still didn’t know what was in that cup.

“Mina, have you seen Sana?” Mina looked at her with a brow raised.

At this point, this was the favorite gossip from high school. Why did Sana stop hanging out with Tzuyu? What did Tzuyu to Sana to make her disgust her? Why it was only Tzuyu the one interested in getting back the friendship they once had? Those were the kind of questions people asked her every day, and if she was being a 100% honest, she wanted to punch them every time they asked her that.

But fortunately, Tzuyu was a very patient and composed, so she just told them to fuck off in the most pleasant way, the translation was that she sent them to ask Nayeon, which meant exactly the same in their eyes.

“I think I saw her who upstairs just before you got in.”

“Thanks you so much Mina.”

“You sure you don’t want one?” She said offering her a cup.

“Very sure, thanks for the offer anyways.”

Actually, getting to the stairs was being an odyssey, and after a couple of aggressive pushes, she got in the first floor. Just walking through the hallway, she could see a lot of open doors, which she preferred to not look inside just by the sounds that could be heard.

Not going to lie, she feared finding Sana in a situation like this, but luck was by her side when at the end of the hallway and behind the last open door, was Sana laying on the ground of what looked like the main room. She was just looking at the ceiling with her arms spread upwards, like she was trying to reach something.

That night she was going to leave with the answers she needed. She no longer wanted to befriend Sana again, the only thing she needed were answers, after that fuck her. So she just close the door and put the latch.

“Tzuyu?”

The named raised her head from the door knob and looked at Sana, which was now sitting on the floor, leaning on her elbows.

“Hi Sana, it’s been a while.”

“What are you doing here? Who let you in?” Tzuyu almost rolled her eyes, well, not almost, she did it.

“I’m here because you’ve been ignoring my existence for two years. Two damn years. Do you have an explanation? Or it just came a day that you got tired of me and you didn’t want to be my friend?”

“My problem was that I enjoyed being your friend too much.”

“And what was the problem?”

“I can’t be friends with a fucking lesbian.”

There it is, the answer that she wanted for so long to her question. _Why?_ For being a lesbian, just because she liked women.

“And instead of talking to me an telling me that you wanted to be no longer my friend, you befriend the one that has been bullying me since I can remember and decide that her opinion is more important than mine. Besides if I tell you something, you won’t believe me, you’re going to trust her.” She sighed trying to regain her composure “My problem was that you left without saying anything, was it that hard just ending our friendship instead of leaving me hanging on for years?”

Sana just looked at her without saying anything, she could notice that she had drunk, but not enough to not be able to have that conversation in that moment.

“In just a moment you disappeared, you left me alone Sana. Do you even realize how empty I felt? We were good friends, we were best friends, at what point did you decided to just ignore all the notifications from the messages I sent you daily? Was it that hard to ask me to leave you alone if that’s what you wanted?”

Definitely Sana’s lack of response was what was killing her inside, what mattered if she started crying?

“Do you know how hurtful it was to see you going online and didn’t even bother to leave me on read? You don’t have any idea of what you made me go through, of everything you made me feel. How am I supposed to get through the next few years in college with you knowing you don’t care about me? Things don’t work like that.”

She saw how Sana stood up slowly, her first instinct was to help her, but that wasn’t her place anymore, Sana didn’t wanted it to be.

“I’m still here, but you made me loose myself. I feel like a ghost, wandering alone all the time. You know how hard it is going home and having to lie to my parents about everything we did together? I’m not used to be alone, Sana. Worst thing? Now I know that not receiving an answer is also an answer. What should I say to you? What do I do?”

“You disgust me now, you disgusted me the moment you told me you liked that trashy girl and you’ll keep disgusting me because people like you are not able to reconsider, you’ll live in sin for your whole life and when you die you’ll rot in hell like the nasty thing you are.”

Tzuyu sighed and looked at Sana in the eyes. She could see how broken she was, or maybe it was a reflection of how she felt, or maybe both.

“I like you Sana, I liked you for years. No, lies, I’ve been in love with you for years. How does that make you feel?”

Sana approached her.

“You disgust me.”

Tzuyu looked one last time in her eyes, letting the last tears she’ll shed for her.

“I will not continue like this, I’m not going to continue with this situation, I’ve been doing my own research, college wise. Good bye Sana, I hope you can open your eyes.”

And without waiting for an answer, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

They say that every time you close a door, you give a change to open another one, and Tzuyu just started her own path.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote the original version in 10 hours. I really spent 10 hours just writing this, from 8pm until 6am. Anyways, if you liked it, leave some kudos and maybe a comment! Or maybe visit me on Twitter ^^ @PA165_


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